i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
