so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
