i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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