1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
