Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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