There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
