I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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