I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
