was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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