but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
