I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
