My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is my gift to your gina
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
