Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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