The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
