she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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