I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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