Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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