i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
