He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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