i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
