are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
