If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
