Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize