he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
