my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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