I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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