At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
