If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
