I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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