Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
