ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
