dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
