Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
