You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
