Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
