The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
