I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
