Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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