I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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