I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
