We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
