Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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