Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
