Umm I'm too high to move.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
