no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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