Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
