I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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