Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
