I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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