On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
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