I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
