i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize