Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm like, not good at living.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
