dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The feeling are messing with the penis
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
