Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
