Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
