They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
