Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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