She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
