dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
