Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
