Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
