Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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