This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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