no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
