A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
