I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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