If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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