So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
