Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
