Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
