why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
