it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
