That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
