how can u be prego again
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You were trust falling into bushes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
